Your Survival Guide To Reclaim Your Power

Reclaiming power during an obligation holiday can be empowering and healing 

There are 3 holidays that are extremely painful for me: My birthday, Thanksgiving/Christmas, and Mother’s Day.

I combined Thanksgiving & Christmas because it becomes one big clusterf*ck event lasting weeks, not just one day.

Mardi Gras, it is not.

After finally making a choice to go no-contact in my early 30s, I realized one of the most healthy things I could do for myself is to learn how to set boundaries, practice self-care, and put my well-being first. Additionally, I found the courage to reinvent the holidays —by creating new traditions. 

In this article, I want to share tips that I discovered through the years that helped me not just survive but thrive as a daughter of a narcissistic mother. Beginning with the cycle of Why, learning to love myself first, reclaiming my sovereignty, and creating new traditions.

We’re spirit beings living a human existence and we should be celebrated. Celebration may not arrive in the conventional forms -and as painful as that feels- we are an adaptive species that can find love and celebration in other areas of our lives. Starting with our own.

I’ve also come to believe that as narcissistic survivors, we’re here to be the way showers for others —ultimately to lift humanity and consciousness. As we heal, others heal.

I hope this article brings you some solace and peace in your healing journey.

My First Attempts

I waited so long for my mother to change. While waiting, I was stuck in the cycle of Why? Why didn’t she love me? Why did she reject me? It was insidious and incessant.

Even as I attempted to create new holiday traditions, I longed for nurturing that only comes from parents. It seemed like such a feeble attempt —like “Frankensteining” love when the heart is missing.

However, a couple of years back, I stumbled upon an interesting read in a medical journal. It talked about how narcissists might be missing a specific part in their brains since birth, and that part is actually responsible for having empathy.

At that moment, I realized she didn’t have the capacity to change. Thus, she would never change. She couldn’t change.

Immediately, my cycle of feeling unlovable ended.  I had closure.

I could begin again.

Love Yourself First

The universe mirrors everything we are. Source reflects every essence of energy we create. Everything we are.

Three years of talk therapy and a stack of self-help books later, I learned to love myself first. After enduring a string of bad relationships, I had to get off the merry-go-round of hell. If I didn’t learn the tools and techniques of self-love and self-care, I would still be on that merry-go-round today.

Here’s what I learned and then we’ll get to reinventing the holidays.

Practice self-Love

Self-love refers to a deep sense of appreciation, acceptance, and compassion for yourself. It involves recognizing your worth, embracing imperfections, and treating yourself with kindness and respect.

Be gentle and compassionate with yourself during this time. Remind yourself that you have the right to prioritize your well-being and protect yourself from toxic dynamics.

Self-love involves acknowledging and honoring one’s needs, desires, and boundaries. Validate your emotions and remind yourself that it is okay to set boundaries and prioritize your healing journey.

Once I realized what boundaries looked like for me, it was easier to establish them. Living alone gave me the sanctuary to rebuild my personal laws of acceptance.

Steps to Reclaim Your Sovereignty

Limit exposure if necessary

Begin with limiting your time together. If being in direct contact with your narcissistic mother (NM) on Mother’s Day is too overwhelming or detrimental to your well-being, consider limiting your exposure.

This could mean minimizing contact, sending a thoughtful message or card instead, or choosing to spend the day engaging in activities that bring you peace and joy.

Or just say no.

No is a complete sentence. Coming up with reasons to appease your NM is about making her feel better. Let’s face it, she will never feel better because the decision you make doesn’t support her abuse pattern.

As I would go thru the mental gymnastics of generating reasons of how my NM would respond, I would get into the field of tighter energy. I became anxious and would start to snap because of the relational disorder that was created. This is opposite of light and fun.

The more reasons to appease her —the becauses I would generate— the tighter the energy gets wound around me. No wonder I had endless headaches, stomach aches, and IBS.

When such obligation holidays approach, I first ask myself, “What do I want? What would make me happy or at least satisfied?” In whole or at least in part.

It’s not about a passive-aggressive maneuver over another person’s already planned party. Nor is it about gaining the upper hand.

It’s about what will truly make you happy, minus the schadenfreude.

Do what you love

The beautiful thing about online groups is that we can also enjoy virtual video calls regardless of distance. If you live on the east coast, you can check west coast listings for themes that aren’t popular in your area.

TIP: If you use a popular search engine like Google, search in Incognito Mode. If you’re searching on metaphysical topics from a location (say within the bible belt in the US), very few results will appear. Google feels the search results should be localized. Thus, preventing you from getting the results you need. Incognito mode (and a VPN) will populate a plethora of options from all over the US as well as other countries.

Enjoy your explorations as you discover the groups that work best for you.

Engage 3rd Party Support

Seek professional support if needed

If Mother’s Day or other obligation holidays trigger intense emotions or make it challenging to reclaim your power, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who specializes in narcissistic abuse. They can provide guidance, tools, and coping strategies to navigate these challenging situations.

Because we had few sources and a lack of community (I wasn’t a barfly or a church goer) back in the 80s and 90s, I had few outlets to share my grief and distress.

Be sure to get a professional to help you heal and a dedicated group for support.

Strive to prevent sensitive issues from bleeding into the workplace. The mistake I made was using my work mates as therapists. 

Please don’t repeat my mistake.

You might be enduring a difficult time —and I have the utmost empathy for you — but your issues could compromise your professional reputation. 

I don’t want that for you.

Remember, you are not alone, and your feelings and experiences are valid. Trust your instincts, honor your boundaries, and prioritize your healing and well-being above all else. You have the power to create a Mother’s Day experience that is nurturing and supportive for yourself.

About Me

Lisa Stewart

Intuitive, Medium, Narcissism Survivor

“We are all light beings and have the capacity to heal ourselves. As we heal ourselves, we heal each other. We can begin our healing with our personal magick.”

Due to her experiences as a daughter of a narcissistic mother, Lisa has made it her mission to help other daughters thrive beyond the trauma.

Lisa found the courage to create inside the eye of the storm growing up.

It is through her courage that Lisa has created a mission. The mission is to help people find the courage to co-create their magick so they can grow their confidence and income.

Today, she uses her intuitive gifts to guide her and others to reconnect with their personal magick.

Lisa offers emotional support with inspiring and uplifting narcissism survivor articles, intuitive business and marketing guidance, workshops, website design, business systems and digital calendar planners, oracle cards, and intuitive readings to help mystics share their gifts with the world and grow their confidence and their income.

If you want to join Lisa on her journey, stick around to listen, watch, and engage with her on various platforms. She’d love to meet you!